I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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