Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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