Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
