Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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