Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
