things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
