Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize