what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need moral support for this bender
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
