Just took my morning after pill in the library
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
