I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
