can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
