Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
