I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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