I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
