Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
