Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
