My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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