There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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