operation have a gay friend backfired
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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