Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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