I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
