tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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