I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
