I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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