this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
