I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my sisters under your porch take her home
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
