dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
