I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
