Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
