theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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