I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
