I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
