So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
