dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
