My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
