Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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