if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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