There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
