But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
