you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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