K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the day after is always just damage control
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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