HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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