Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
