I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
