When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
