I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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