And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Randomize
