I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
