I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
