i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
