ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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