Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
