apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
