I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
