So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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