He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
