Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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