I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
