And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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