How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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