I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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