Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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