And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
