please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
