hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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