And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize