Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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